“Seek not outside yourself. For all your pain comes simply from a futile search for what you want, insisting where it must be found. What if it is not there? Do you prefer that you be right or be happy? Be glad that you are told where happiness abides, and seek no longer elsewhere. You will fail. But it is given you to know the truth, and not seek for it outside yourself.” Helen Schucman from A Course In Miracles 

When I was in college, I learned a term in my psychology class that stuck with me: “fictional finalisms.” Since I have become a therapist, this term has become even more relevant because it describes a faulty belief system that so many of us hold. In simple terms, fictional finalisms means we believe that once we attain a particular goal in our life that we have been striving to achieve, then everything will be “all better” and we won’t have anything else to worry about. In metaphorical terms, it’s as though you are on a train, waiting for the final train station because you believe that when you arrive there, you will finally be happy, achieve inner peace, be stress free, etc. – because it is where you’ve always wanted to be.

There are several things wrong with this way of thinking. First, as many of us reach milestones in our life -- such as graduating from school, getting married, landing that perfect job or finally moving out of our parent’s house -- we then realize that with each one gained, there is another level of challenges and obstacles we need to face. Secondly, when we are so focused on the “final destination,” we dismiss the importance of the journey and all the beautiful scenery and possible personal growth we can gain along the way. As Miley Cyrus’ song “It’s the Climb” illustrates (sorry to quote such a controversial celebrity, but I love the song), it isn’t finally reaching the top of the mountain that’s the point of life, but the journey along the way.

Instead of focusing on the final destination as the answer to our happiness, one of the only ways I believe we can achieve that inner peace and reach a place of contentment in our life is to lower our expectations and not be attached to a particular outcome. We cannot control what the Universe decides to throw at us, so ultimately it’s not WHAT happens to us but HOW we handle it.

There is a Spiritual book I recommend called, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron that explains this concept really well. Basically the author says that we cling to “babysitters” in the desperate hope that certain thing or person will fill the void and make us finally feel secure in such an unpredictable world. She goes on to explain that we have to let go of the belief that we will find reassurance outside of ourselves and instead look within to discover our inner peace.

My message here is not to say that you shouldn’t have goals or be proud of your achievements. It’s just a reminder that it is not healthy or helpful to base all of our happiness and sense of self-worth on reaching a final outcome. On the other hand, learning to identify and be grateful for the daily successes, living in the moment, and trusting and going with the flow are focuses that will help you to maneuver through life more enjoyably and gracefully.

"At each moment you choose the intentions that will shape your experiences and those things upon which you will focus your intention. If you choose unconsciously, you evolve unconsciously.. If you choose consciously, you evolve consciously." Gary Zukav from Thoughts from the Seat of the Soul

My Intention
I decided to write this blog as a way to give my clients and other readers various techniques and insights to help them become their true self.  It is my hope that the information and workshops I provide will help people gain more self-awareness about the obstacles that interfere with them reaching their highest potential. The phrase that came to me when thinking about this blog, “Be Aware or Beware,” captures the essence of living a conscious life. By peeling away the layers of conditioned, ingrained messages and learning to tune in to who we truly are, I believe we can learn our lessons in life less painfully and more gracefully rather than needing to be hit over the head by the proverbial two by four. My ultimate goal is to help people get out of the loop of insanity which has been aptly described as “doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result.”

Understanding the Psychology Field
One of confusions in my field is the difference between psychotherapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.  The term psychotherapist refers to any Ph.D- or Master’s-level degree therapist who has been trained to do therapy with people who have various psychological or situational issues. Situational issues include difficulty adjusting to losses, or life changes such as  divorce, physical limitations, loss of employment or death of a loved one.  

A psychologist typically has a Ph.D., a  PSY.D., or a Master’s in psychology or school psychology.  They are often trained and qualified to do psychological testing. Those with  a Master’s-level degree often become high school counselors or perform psychological testing to determine if students qualify for special education services. Ph.D-level  psychologists either focus on doing research in the behavioral health field,  practice psychotherapy, or may become university professors.  

Psychiatrists attended medical school and specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of  mental health disorders.  In the  last century, psychiatrists traditionally treated patients both through medication and through psychoanalysis, which is based on Freudian psychology. Since the beginning of the 21st Century, psychiatrists have primarily focused on prescribing psychotropic medication and rarely provide psychotherapy.

Trends In My Psychotherapy Practice
I’ve seen a number of other trends in the past few decades. In the early 1990s, it was almost unheard of to diagnose someone with Bipolar Disorder (which was formerly known as Manic Depressive Disorder).  In the past 5 to 10 years, Bipolar Disorder seems to be one of the most commonly diagnosed disorders, next to other mood disorders such as Major Depressive Disorder. Other common diagnoses include various types of anxiety disorders such as Panic Attacks, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.   

In addition, as many of you may remember, Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder, also known as ADD and ADHD, were very popular diagnoses beginning in the late 1980’s, and continue to be commonly diagnosed today.

Although I have not compared this to the national average, another trend I have seen in my private practice in the past 10 years is that more men seem to be attending psychotherapy. One of my theories is that going to therapy became more acceptable among men in the mainstream after they watched Tony Soprano from the hit show The Sopranos attend weekly psychotherapy sessions. Many of my male clients commented that “…if a macho guy like Tony Soprano can go to therapy then why can’t I?” I often wanted to write the network and thank them for helping to create a more accepting climate for men to feel comfortable opening up and discussing their innermost feelings.  I would say that my male client-base rose from about 30% of my totals to nearly 50% over the past 10 years. This is important because it is my belief that both men and women need to share equally in the responsibility of knowing themselves and how their behaviors impact their relationships and the world in general.

Finally, the newest and most significant trend I have seen in the psychotherapy world is people seeking more “spiritual meaning” in their lives.  Not to be confused with religion, “spiritual” is a non-secular term that encompasses a person’s desire to understand how a higher power, the universe, and/or how the divine flow affect their life. I have studied these “metaphysical concepts” to help me better understand how to make needed changes in my life and have incorporated them into my therapy practice to help my clients understand and find solutions to their issues from a very different perspective.  Some of these concepts are very new to the therapy world, and I am excited to be on the forefront of sharing them with you and clients through my blog and workshops. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me!